My liver just broke up with me...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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