That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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