What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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