Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
