Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize
