woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
