Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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