You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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