hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
