Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
