I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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