Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
