I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
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