I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize