where am i from again
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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