I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
