I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
