Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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