the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
