TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
