Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
