This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
