She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
