his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
