I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
