I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
