So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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