it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
