Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
my liver is dry heaving
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
