my mouth tastes like poor choices
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
