I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
