im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
