Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Say something about gay babies.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
