Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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