i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
