FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there's paper in my vomit.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
