Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
