She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
