Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Terrible idea I love it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
