His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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