I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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