Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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