Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
