You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
