My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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