Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
