During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
