What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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