plz talk dirty to me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
