I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
