you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize