Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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