I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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