There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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