im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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