I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
