I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
