there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
