I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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