please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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