Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
