I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Come share oat with me in your robe
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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