then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
