Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize