you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
My vagina just recognized that song.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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