She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
