When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
