i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
