I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
