i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
