y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
