apparently the secret to your success is patron
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
