I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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