yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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